Using Sources Effectively: Gay Sex Edition
by snarfy
Summary: Harry and Ron were cleaning a room at Grimmauld Place the summer befare their fifth year. They found an interesting book. HarryXRon
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

AN: This story is my way of making fun of my English 101 text book, Using Sources Effectively: Strengthening Your Writing and Avoiding Plagiarism. If I offended anyone who actually likes this book, I'm sorry!!!!!!!! Other than that, enjoy.

Warning: Lemon in later chapters. Slash OOC.

Harry and Ron were stuck cleaning the dustiest, moldiest, room in Grimmauld Place. Molly Weasley took one looked at the room and guilt-tripped Hermione, Harry, Ron, Fred, George, and Ginny into doing the chore. Well, just Harry and Ron now. Hermione had found the library, which immediately undid Mrs. Weasley's spell. Ginny had successfully duck and covered in time to escape Mrs. Weasley's guilt-trip. Fred and George had become immune.

So the two boys were stuck cleaning the room. Ron was dodging spiders. Harry was looking at the mold in disgust. Then he spotted something. It was a book. The cover was blue, and had a picture of a book at the bottom, which had a picture of two men in a strange position. Harry opened the book. His eyes widened at the contents of it. The book was titled, Using Sources Effectively: Gay Sex Edition.

"The hell?! Oi Ron! Come look at this." Ron inspected the book. He opened it. His eyes widened. He mouth the words gay sex. Harry flipped through the pages. "Look, someone drew pictures in it." Ron looked at one of the pictures. There were two men. One of the men had his mouth wrapped around the other man's cock.

They both stared at more of the pictures with interest. There were all kinds of positions, some of them Harry and Ron thought were impossible. The more of the book they saw, the tighter their pants got.

Harry had figured out long ago that he was gay. Ron was the only one who knew that secret, and perfectly okay with it. But he never suspected that he himself could be gay. Then again, his first crush was Millicent Bulstrode...

The two boys heard footsteps. They quickly hid the book. Molly Weasley walked in. She came in to tell them dinner was going to be ready in an hour. After that, Harry and Ron quietly finished cleaning up the room as fast as they could.

They wolfed down their dinner. Every time Harry looked at Sirius, he blushed. Some of the men drawn in the book looked very similar to Sirius. Harry wondered if the book had once belonged to him. The thought of his godfather having sex disturbed him and aroused him at the same time.

After eating dinner, and telling everyone that they were going to bed because they were very tired, they raced up their room. The took the book out of Harry's trunk, where they had hidden it before dinner. Ron made sure that the door was locked. He silently prayed that Fred and George wouldn't apparate into their room tonight.

Ron walked over to Harry.

"You sure you want to do this?" Harry asked Ron. "Yeah, I'm okay with it. I think I might be gay as well, since the pictures didn't bother me before. And besides, we're just going to be reading a book, right?"

"Well, since you're sure..." Harry moved over on the bed to allow Ron to get in. Ron went to lay down next to him, as Harry took out his penlight. Once they both got comfortable, Harry began reading...

"_Chapter One: The Importance of Having Gay Sex" _This was going to be interesting.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

1Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter. Robert A. Harris owns Using Sources Effectively.

AN: I really do apologize for the lateness of the this chapter. My other fic, Bring a Bowl, was keeping my attention. And May was a very busy month for me.

I hope you enjoy.

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"_Chapter 1: The Importance of Having Gay Sex_

_The overall goal of this book is to give you new insight into new and near impossible ways of having sex, so that you can attempt them. And the author who is watching from a safe distance can laugh at you. However, a preliminary question may have arisen into your puny little mind: Why do people have to have sex anyway? Why do people even attempt to do those things that you saw in chapter five? This chapter will provide you with some answers by discussing the benefits of performing this act of life._

_-Having sex produces babies, but that is not really important._

_-It gives you the illusion that you are not failing at life._

_-It makes you feel all mighty and confident, when you are not._

_-Sex brings your partner pleasure and helps you avoid being dumped._

_-Having sex develops your thinking and analysis skills. (Okay, no, not really.)_

_1.1 Why have gay sex?_

_Sex–especially gay sex–is one of the most amazing experiences you will have in your insignificant lives. By improving your ability to pleasure your partner, locate which bit goes where, and correctly use those bits, you will be developing a host of skills that will serve you well for the rest of your life. (Or not.)_

_1.2 Gay sex is a thinking process." _

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it there a minute, Harry. My brothers explained sex to me, and they clearly stated that no thinking is ever involved." Ron said, making Harry pry his eyes away from the book.

"But were they talking about gay sex? Hmm?" Ron thought for a minute, rubbing his chin. "No, I don't think so. At least I hope, not. Thinking about my brothers having sex with other men is kind of gross."

"Not really." Harry mumbled. "You said something, Harry?" Harry shook his head innocently and went back to reading.

"_Sex with other men requires a deeper and more careful thought process than what most people would think. Sex in just one position can get rather boring, which would cause your partner to never want to see your ugly face again, so you must think of newer, exiting, and bone-breaking ways of having sex. Man sex, then is an opportunity to strengthen your thinking ability and to extend your mind, to gain a wider view of the world, to make the unknown interesting."_

An idea popped into Ron's head. "So Crabbe and Goyle can't have sex with each other, now can they. They can't think." He said, as if he just discovered why the world exists.

"You won't think about your hot brothers having sex, but you think about Crabbe and Goyle? You're weird, Ron."

"No, no. I was thinking of them _not_ having sex."

"Whatever, Ron. Let's get back to this.

"_1.3 Gay sex develops lifelong skills._

Over the text, there was a poorly drawn picture. It was one they didn't quite spot when they were looking through the book. Harry and Ron peered at the picture.

"That looks even more impossible to do, than that one from chapter five." Ron said, unable to tear his eyes away from the picture.

Harry shook his head. "Nothing is more impossible than what they did in chapter five."

"How did they even do that?"

"They used magic, I guess." Harry went back to reading.

"_1.4 Hot man sex allows you to contribute to the conversation._

'_So then he prepared himself, and I watched. And then I entered him, and he went 'ouchie' , and then I went...'_

_Yes, _great_ conversation. You people are hopeless. _

_1.5 Sex needs interpreting._

_Think of your role in you and your partner's sex life as a detective, a solver of a puzzle, making sense out of the great mystery that is sex. So much information, so many materials that require sorting out and applying. Much thinking must come in connection with the use of your, ahem, bits, as you have mind-blowing sex. Forget the staplers (don't ask); you are the weaver of a beautiful and sensible tapestry. You must ultimately tell the story that this great experience helped you to discover."_

The chapter ended there. However, there were some review questions, but neither Harry nor Ron payed much attention to them. Review questions were never quite important.

Suddenly, the two of them heard two popping noises in the room. Harry and Ron quickly hid the book under the covers.

"What are you two doing?"

"And why are you in the same bed?" Fred and George asked. Harry and Ron panicked for a minute. Then they mentally shrugged at each other. Who cared what Fred and George thought now? They had, in their possession, the key to defeating Voldemort. Or not.

"I was scared that Voldemort was going to come take me away, so Ron was protecting me." Ron moved closer to Harry, and put an arm around him. "Yes, I was protecting him." Ron gave them a look that clearly said, 'What are you going to do about it?'

"What was it it that you wanted?" Harry asked, resting his head on Ron's shoulder.

The twins' eyes widened. "We..."

"Never mind." Fred and George popped away. Harry and Ron could hear them upstairs, talking excitedly about this new development.

"I suppose we can read the next chapter tomorrow. I am rather sleepy." Harry said. Ron nodded and moved to his bed. Harry stashed the book under his pillow.

"Hey Harry," Ron asked, just as Harry was about to fall asleep. "Do you think we can attempt to do that stuff in the picture we saw in chapter five?"

_TBC_


End file.
